Seeking Family Simplicity During the Holidays

How do we celebrate seasonal holidays and avoid the mine-field of commercial culture that so easily invades our family life?  Let the Holiday Happen at Home!  Especially during the holiday crush, you’ll do best to keep all your normal life-rhythms steady: meal times, play times, house-keeping, book snuggles, nap and bedtimes. As we know, sharing food together, playing in a healthy way and sound sleep are the foundations of well-being.

During the holiday rush, let’s create meal-times that nourish the soul as well as the body.  We can speak to the spirit of the season in warm home-made ways and stay steady with our usual mealtime rhythms.  Less is more, so keep things simple. You’ll find you need to make very few forays into the consumer-culture, because you are creating memories with your own hands and heart.  For instance, celebrate the joy of the season with a seasonal table cloth, or with a seasonal wreath placed as a center piece.  As I have described in my book Heaven on Earth, I’ve made wonderful seasonal tablecloths by buying beautifully colored seasonal prints in the correct yardage for the table.  Sew up an easy hem, and voila’, you have an instant visual cue that it is time to celebrate. Keep the dinnerware white and it will go with every seasonal table cloth you make. Buy or make a right-sized grapevine wreath for the centerpiece.  Each week leading up to your Winter Festival of Light, add different elements from the natural world: sparkling minerals, pinecones and greenery, holly berries, small seashells or carved wooden animals.  Add one candle each week and watch the light grow.

Cooking the holiday meal together can be part of the holiday fun. Decide the menu, then go slowly and allow time for the children to help with mixing, chopping, carrying and such. Freeze ahead of time dishes that allow for it; this helps you to go slowly, to include the children and to enjoy.  A wonderful “festive food” for the winter holidays is to bake and decorate a gingerbread house village. You don’t need to decorate with sugar and candies.  In the picture below you see a small child-created house built with graham crackers and decorated with colorful interesting shaped pasta!  The day after the festive meal, the children will love eating the house walls and then putting the rest out for the “birds’ holiday.”

Family work may sound dull and not conducive to the holiday spirit, but if you plan well, you may be surprised!  If you show enthusiasm your children will love to help you prepare the festive space.  It can be enticing to do a special holiday cleaning.  I remember as a little girl it was my job, because I was the smallest, to “dust the baseboards.”  I got to crawl behind all the furniture, capture the dust bunnies and make even the lowliest places sparkle.  Shining wooden furniture, going to the attic for holiday boxes, tidying and organizing bedrooms ~ all of this can be part of preparing for the wonder of the holiday.  Remember this motto: make the work visible; when we engage in our work with pleasure, it inspires the same in our children.

You might want to signify the season during play time by joining me in the following play activity.  When I was a child, our family celebrated Christmas, and our home was decorated with lovely holiday ornaments.  But, much to our dismay, they were meant only for decoration and not to be touched by my brothers and me.  I righted this “wrong” as an adult by making or buying ornaments that were sturdy enough for child’s play!  In our home and in my classroom, at the beginning of the season I unveiled a basket of ornaments made of wood, felt, wool, decorated pinecones, shining seashells, golden walnuts and more.  Softly made Santa and Elves rode in a wooden toy train. Small velvet ponies and tiny stuffed teddy bears were ready to spark winter-time imaginations.  Many winter woodland scenes arose, and even winter puppet plays were created by the children. The simple act of bringing out this basket of winter toys, which is put away to “rest” after the holidays, can be as exciting as a trip to see decorations at the mall.  And far more conducive to creativity; the fun can go on for weeks!

If we keep the mealtimes and play times steady and rhythmic, while bringing in elements that are festive and fun, this will make bed-time much easier! Even though it is the holidays and children are begging for later bedtimes, it is best to stay with your regular evening rituals and routines.  A warm bubble bath, fluffy towel-drying and some firm, slow lotion-ing will set the tone. Now again at story-time you bring in the holiday spirit.  Google “Waldorf Holiday Books” to discover a wonderful treasure trove of holiday stories!   

If we let the holidays happen at home, we will be creating not only a strong foundation of family life, we will be making memories to last forever! May you enjoy this holiday season and many more seasonal festivals by keeping activities hand-made and close to home.

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Reflections on Balance at the Still-Point of Equinox

Equinox as the Balance Point in Outer Nature

And

 Inner Landscapes

We come again now to the Autumn Equinox. The revered Greek goddess Gaia is the protector and nurturer of all living beings and the land that sustains them. As the Earth Mother, she reigns supreme and presides over the culmination of the bountiful harvest. Harvest Festivals complete with overflowing feasts, singing, parades, traditional dances, ritual and ceremony proliferate the world over.  To mention only a few: Sukkot in the Judaic tradition, the Rice Harvest festival in Hindu culture, the Moon Festival featuring moon cake delicacies in Taiwan and China, the Yam festival of the Ewe people in Ghana, and Thanksgiving here in North America.

There are only two times of year when the Earth's axis is tilted neither toward nor away from the sun, resulting in Balance: a nearly equal amount of daylight and darkness at all latitudes. At this time of balance in the natural world, we are called to examine the balance of opposites within our inner landscapes:

Is my life well-balanced between work and rest?

Between a busy social calendar and quiet home-time with family?

Between work indoors and rejuvenation in nature’s healing rhythms?

Between screen time and human time?

Between outer responsibilities and inner yearnings? 

Twenty-first century culture does not foster the capacity to live in balance life, whether in the exterior world or interior spheres.  Work obligations follow us home in the computer case, while time for rest and contemplation is interrupted by the incessant ping of our phones.  How do we practice balance in the midst of such obstacles?  Self-care is a beginning step.  Click on this link to learn Heart-Breathing, a simple self-care tool that travels with you wherever you go, and can be practiced with eyes open and in the midst of life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nr63KQzZrY

 Self-awareness and self-compassion are the foundational steps toward self-care.  A well-cared-for Self creates a strong, flexible footing for sensitive awareness and responsiveness as we care for our families and other realms of life. If you practice meditation you are familiar with the deep sense of self-care it offers, and the Heart Breathing you learned in the video above, is simplicity itself. Self- care is the basis of care for others and care for life itself.  Remember what the flight attendant tells us on every flight: Put on your own oxygen mask before helping others.

We offer our best selves to the world when we strive toward compassion, and this always begins with self-compassion.  We do this by working with intention, time, space, and form.

  1. First make a clear and focused intention to practice self-care.

2. Then make time: choose a time of day that you can consistently turn toward self-care.  If you are lucky this time may be on the meditation cushion, but if you are like many of us, you will find moments-between when three conscious breaths are sustenance.

-3. -Make space: will this be indoors or outdoors, in the kitchen or the garden….

4. Decide a form: will you choose to consciously breathe, walk, cook, garden….? Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese monk and world teacher shows us that simple acts like walking, cooking and even hugging are valuable moments to practice presence.

We make an inner intention and then arrange our outer life to support this inner striving.

 In his straightforward, beautiful book, How God Changes Your Brain, neuroscientist Andrew Newberg says, according to his research and that of others, to increase a felt-experience of self-compassion and peace through the activation of the anterior cingulate (the angel lobes): 

“Simply focus on compassion or an image of peace as you breathe deeply and relax. Hold this thought for twelve minutes each day and in a matter of a few months you’ll begin to build and strengthen new neural circuits of compassion.... To establish empathy and serenity you simply need to absorb yourself in memories associated with the feelings of kindness and love. If you consciously interrupt pessimistic thoughts and feelings with optimistic beliefs . . . you will stimulate your anterior cingulate, your “angel lobes.” Fear, anxiety, and irritability will decrease and a sense of peacefulness will slowly take its place. It is a simple seesaw effect. Love goes up and fear goes down. Anger goes up and compassion goes down. The choice is entirely yours”.

The choice is wholly ours: We can choose self-care and thereby make new neural pathways of compassion. Three interconnecting principles that can be distilled from most of the world’s spiritual practices are Intention, Relaxation, and Awareness. These can be a foundation for us as we explore self-care. Let’s look at a few activities that we do every day and imagine what our family or classroom life can be when we bring intention, relaxation, and awareness to them.

Simple activities in which we practice Intention, Relaxation, and Awareness:

Walking: It is rare to walk with awareness; usually our thoughts run out ahead of us. Think of at least one time each day you can slow your pace, relax, listen to the rhythm of your footsteps, and become present in your body. Choose a time ~ maybe as you walk to the mailbox ~ and bring awareness and relaxation to your gait. Sometimes you will remember, sometimes not. When you do remember, let yourself feel the reward of pleasure and goodness as you practice being aware and relaxed in a human body.

Cooking: After a long day, preparing the evening meal can be stressful. Slow your pace and turn your attention to the lovely food in front of you. Slowly chop red peppers, breathe in their tang and the deep sweetness of the carrots. Listen to the sizzle of the onions and garlic cooking on the stove. Choose one meal that you prepare each day, and bring yourself to awareness and relaxation.

Cleaning: Try cleaning with gratitude instead of grim determination. I can hear you laughing as you read this; try it, please! Ready yourself with a song. Hum a few rounds of a soothing song.  Remind yourself of gratitude-- maybe not necessarily for the chore, but for your family, your life full of those you love, for laughter and the nights you sleep well, and yes, even for all the mess this circle of love creates. This is a wonderful way to experience the miracle of inner speech—gently prod yourself toward gratitude; sing and feel a little smile forming; feel your heart growing brighter and the load lighter. Sometimes I laugh at myself for being led toward happiness so easily.

Breathing, Walking, Cooking, Cleaning

These are simple activities that we do every day of our life. They are opportunities to devote twelve minutes to care for our self while caring for our family. It is our consciousness alone—the use of our heart and the prefrontal cortex ~ the angel lobes ~ that determines the quality of these everyday events. We can aim for the stars; we can guide ourself toward high ideals right in the middle of a very commonplace ordinary day. Amid good food and daily chores, stories and homework, we can build a new future. We do it right here, exactly where we are One Breath at a Time.

Visit me at Wild Graces

https://www.sharifaoppenheimer.org

There you’ll find Nesting Circles of Belonging ~ Family, Nature and Cosmos.

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REWILDING THE HUMAN HEART

Come Rewild Your Heart With Me!

Would you like to deepen your Kinship with Nature and rewild your own heart?  Would you like to share this with your family as well?  Join me as I teach a five-week Kinship with Nature course through LifeWays during July!  This course is designed for all adults, yet includes an added focus on family. We’ll explore earth, water, fire, air, minerals, plants, animals and the invisible worlds.   We will be engaged with song, movement, stories, breathwork, scientific understandings, Jungian explorations, inner inquiry, hands-on activities and more. I hope you will join me!  For more info and to register: https://lifewaysnorthamerica.org/workshops_training/kinship-with-nature-is-a-family-affair/

Here are thoughts to inspire your participation.  The following is from my blog a few years ago:

“Today the children and I returned to the garden playground!  Last autumn, after the Harvest Festival, the children and their parents came to school for a Saturday picnic, to “put the garden to bed”.  But now in the spring we return to the garden, the song of the stream and the graceful poplars that shade us.

It is such a gift to teach these young souls, here in the generous arms of Nature.  The children develop intimate relations with the insect and animal world, from the army of worms they unearth ~ and re-earth ~ to the song of the wood-thrush they hear and the footprints of the raccoon in the mud beside the creek.

Original peoples pray by intoning “All My Relations.”  The children, also, talk of the great family of Nature: our best friends the Rain Fairies, their mother The Grandmother Rain Cloud,  Brother Wind, Father Sun, Mother Earth.  These children have the foundation laid for a life lived experiencing humanity as part of a great seamless Unified Being.  This is preparation for the only future we can sustain.  This is our one hope, and they bring their up- springing joy to it!”

And here is a bit of science: You, the adult, are crucial to the child’s Nature Connection:

“Researchers analyzed data from children and their parent/guardian to investigate factors associated with children’s nature connectedness. Of all variables considered, including frequency of nature visits, an adult with high nature connectedness in the same household was the strongest predictor of children’s nature connectedness. The study highlights the vital role parents/guardians play in nurturing children’s nature connectedness and calls for policies and programs that support nature connectedness among adults who are influential in children’s lives.

A study investigating the role of early childhood educators in outdoor learning considered how teachers in Norway engaged young children in foraging and gardening activities. Researchers found that teachers’ roles centered upon leading with enthusiasm and curiosity, following children’s interests and encouraging exploration. Teachers’ own engagement and enthusiasm for adventurous outdoor experiences inspired children’s engagement and enthusiasm. The research affirms that teachers are important role models in engaging children in nature-based learning.[i]”

Come experience the difference between nature appreciation, which can involve distanced concepts, and a deep “skin to skin” relationship with our other than human siblings.

I hope to take this journey with you!

With Green Blessings,

Sharifa

[i] https://www.childrenandnature.org/resources/research-digest-nature-mentors-and-role-models/

Oneness With All Beings

Kinship with Nature is Our Birthright

I walk in the early summer forest; it glistens as afternoon sunbeams penetrate the new, broad viridian leaves. I greet the plant-beings in this way:

Your branches are reiterated in our veins,

You give us food, medicine, clothing, shelter.

Your shade brings cool midday relief.

You are our elders and teachers.

We breathe in the symbiosis that is love.

The forest replies, coming to me in this dream. My task is to learn the language the worms use, as they tunnel under the bark. To translate this for human understanding.

Dream Forest

Her feet walk

heart listens.

She wants to know

the way the worm knows

tunneling beneath his bark

through balsam dark

writing in a germinal hand.

Blind in his world of xylem

he makes poems

in her dreams

writes in wooden braille

tells of stardust

caught by trees

netted roots.

Each earthen word

becomes a point of light.

Star poems map

fourteen billion years

from now…

to now,

written always

in this eternal moment.

He measures evolution

in time filled with presence,

time

full

fecund

wild

round as the trunk

of the poplar

she stops beneath.

Round as tracings

she sees written

in bark.

Round as all

she wants to know

beneath her feet

that walk and listen.

From my book A Litany of Wild Graces

https://www.sharifaoppenheimer.org/sharifas-books

To learn forest-lessons, we must slow down, one footstep then another.  We stop, breathe, listen to language heard only by the heart. We listen….we bow.

Would you like to deepen your kinship with nature and rewild your heart?  Would you like to bring this nature-connection to your family as well? Join me as I teach a five-week Kinship with Nature course through LifeWays during July!  This course is designed for all adults, yet includes an added focus on family. We’ll explore earth, water, fire, air, minerals, plants, animals and more. We will be engaged with movement, song, stories, breath-work, Jungian explorations, scientific understanding and inner inquiries! I hope to see you there.  For more info and to register: https://lifewaysnorthamerica.org/workshops_training/kinship-with-nature-is-a-family-affair/

Photo by Kora Oppenheimer, my grand daughter!

Early Winter Gratitude

Earth Offerings

In the spirit of Thanks-Giving, let’s turn toward the living earth and make offerings of gratitude.  A simple leaf, a seashell, a stone are sacred gifts we return to the Giver of all Life.  Our ancient ancestors gave honor and praise to the immanent deity.  Our original foundation is not separate from the earth, not a transcendent spirit removed from a mundane and fallen earth.  Rather spirit is present, permeating the animate and breathing being we call Gaia.  A nature altar can be as simple as a few late autumn leaves,  a unique stone, berries ripening on woodland vines. Every child knows this instinctively, stops to bend and touch, smell, ….to participate in relationship with an ant or a fallen leaf. 

We can return to this state of innocence; our children can lead the way.  Go outdoors into the park or woods.  Go slowly. Open into a soft gaze.  Reach out. Listen, touch, smell, breathe.  Allow wholeness to flow in. This can heal the past and shape the future..  Make an offering of our own heart and the beauty we see around us

Generations

bare winter branches

bow to cold winds

chimes chant prayers

summer’s hydrangea stalks

rattle sun-drenched thoughts

that skitter past frozen ferns

cardinals call from

dogwood’s silver branches

etched into winter’s brocade

poplar and spicebush

hickory and beech

employ mycelial spinners who

thread by thread

weave arboreal

connective tissue

make a living membrane

between pine and oak

red maple and magnolia

bring nutrition

give warning

nurse illness

interspecies collaboration,

or can we finally see

it is love.

My feet walk and sing,

I bow to

Gaian  ancestors

 who arise through

my soles

enter into human veins

which are not unlike

those of

sugar maple leaves

alluvial  spirits reweave

my connective tissue

make a living plasma

mend places

torn by the past

and weave as well

toward the future

interspecies collaboration,

or can I finally say

this is love.

From my book A Litany of Wild Graces: Meditation on Sacred Ecology

Go to the Books tab for more Earth Inspirations

A Child is Born

There are many winter stories from various traditions and cultures, especially within our temperate climate, which use the images of light being born out of darkness. For me the telling of these stories is a way to wrest the deep spiritual significance of the cyclic transformation of light, and its corollary importance in the human soul, from the societal marketers and money magicians. These stories image the transformation of consciousness, beginning with the story of the mineral kingdom in the crystalline formation of the snowflakes, moving through the plant kingdom, with the story of the little fig tree, and on to the animal kingdom in the story of the birds, and the animals’ speech.  The final one is the transformation of our humanity, the story of the “child of light.” ,  In each story, we see the central figure take a step in evolution; we see something brand-new appear.  I have been told these stories come from an ancient medieval tradition.  They are stories to delight and inspire! Here is the final one in this winter series. I hope you and your children will be warmed with the simplicity and beauty.

Once upon a time, on a cold and snowy winter day, an old man and  young woman started out on a long winter journey.  Their little sweet donkey carried their bags upon her back and so, they trudged up and down one snowy hill after another.  After they had gone a long way, the young woman said “Oh, my I am so tired, I don’t think I can go any further!”  But the old man replied “Never mind, my dear, I will carry our bags and the donkey can carry you”

            Mother and Father walk uphill and down

            Uphill and down, to the little town.

Mother on donkey all shaggy and brown

Father beside her with staff smooth and round.

Uphill and down, uphill and down

To the little town.

Finally, as the sun began to set, they saw in the distance the twinkling lights of the town.  Soon, they came to a small inn on the outskirts of town.  The old man said “Here we are, my dear, I am sure we will find a bed so we can rest and sleep.”  He went to the door of the inn and knocked, asking for a place to sleep. 

            Knock, knock, knock at the door

            “Is there room here to sleep,

On the bed, on the floor?”

But the innkeeper said

“No, no. No room at the inn

I have no room to let you in”

So they went on their way through the snowy dusk, looking for a place to sleep.  At each inn they said

Knock, knock, knock at the door

            “Is there room here to sleep,

On the bed, on the floor?”

But each innkeeper always said

“No, no.  No room at the inn

I have no room to let you in”

Finally they came to the last inn at the edge of town, and again they asked

            Knock, knock, knock at the door

            “Is there room here to sleep,

On the bed, on the floor?”

Again this innkeeper said

“No, no. No room at the inn

I have no room to let you in”

But now the innkeeper looked at the young woman’s face and saw how very tired she was.  And so he said

            But, my animals live close-by in a stable

            It has no bed, no chair, no table

            Upon the floor is straw and hay

There I’ll gladly let you stay

They  were so happy to have a roof over their heads, they went right into the stable.  The old man made a soft bed of sweet-smelling hay for the young woman.  Although the friendly animals came close to her, their warm bodies and breath were not quite warm enough.

            So, the old man began a fire to build          

            For the air was cold and chilled

            And to them this wintry night

Soon, very soon would come

            The Child of Light

On the hillside close by, shepherds were tending their sheep, preparing them to go to sleep.  When the sheep were cared for, the shepherds lay down and slept as well.

            Stars shone bright and brighter still

            Shepherds slept upon the hill

            But to them this wintry night

            Came an angel dressed in white

            The angel sang:

            “Shepherds, wake this holy night

            Shepherds, seek the Child of Light”

Shepherds shake their drowsy sleep

from this night filled with dreams so deep.

To them, again, this wintry night

sang the angel dressed in white:

“Shepherds wake this holy night

            Shepherds seek the Child of Light”

Finally the shepherds woke up!  The first one said

            “Child of Light, this holy night?

            A bottle of milk I’ll take”

The second one said

            “I’ll take some flour, to bake a cake”

The third one said

            “I’ll take soft wool, for a pillow to make”

So, they set off singing through the snowy hills

            “We have heard the angels bright

Singing in this holy night

Now we go to seek the Child

Little baby meek and mild”

Away they went, singing and dancing up hill and down, uphill and down.  Finally they saw a bright golden star shining in the cold night, and below it was a  humble stable.  They could see a rosy golden light pouring out from between the cracks in the stable walls, so the snow glittered in crystals.  They went and knocked upon the door

            “Open up the door we pray

            Shepherds we are from far away!”

When they went inside they saw that all of the golden light was shining from a new little baby that had just been born!  They brought their birthday gifts:

            The first one said “I beg you this milk to take”

            The second one said “I brought some flour to bake your cake”

            The third one said “I brought soft wool, for a pillow to make”

The old man and the young woman, the warm and friendly animals and even the stars were so happy to welcome the shepherds!  The all sat by the fire and smiled and smiled at the new little baby, who had come from so far above, down to the earth below.

A child is born, and by this birth, a rosy glow spreads over the earth.

 This is an adaptation of a circle-game offered by Janet Kellman many, many years ago.  Janet’s words are indented in verse.  Sharifa’s story-line ties them together. Many thanks Janet for inspiring decades of children’s Christmas dreams!

photo @isaacquesada