The health producing gifts of sleep are many, the negative effects of sleep deprivation are abysmal, yet science does not know exactly why sleep is essential. This is a necessary scientific inquiry which will hopefully reap the reward of encouraging twenty-first century families to get more sleep! Most spiritual traditions, though, give surprisingly similar explanations. Eastern and Western traditions alike, as well as native traditions, say sleep offers the soul respite from the constrictions of the physical body and the heavy demands of worldly life. We could also add the mega-demands of an on-line life, always tethered to external events! Many traditions point to the solace, guidance and intuition offered by dreams, affirming the positive impact the dream world offers. As we discussed in Part One, when we starve the spirit the whole organism suffers.
How do we manage, though, to get enough sleep? Unplugging may seem radical, but it can form a basis for other good sleep practices. What would happen if you place a basket on a high shelf beside the door? When the adults walk in the house after work, the phones go in the basket. Or what if you set a time just before dinner when all electronics in the house are turned off? After the children are asleep, parents could then choose to plug back in, just long enough to get things settled online. But with a caveat: attend to only the essentials. It is too easy to be enticed into the labyrinthine seductions of social media and such.
.How much is the right amount of sleep for your children? Here are recommendations from The American Academy of Pediatrics:
~ one to two year olds: eleven to fourteen hours, including naps
~ three to five year olds: ten to thirteen hours, including naps
~ six to twelve year olds: nine to twelve hours
As you see, there is some wiggle room here, so the bottom line is to be sure your child awakens refreshed and with enthusiasm for the day. If he awakens groggy or grumpy for more sleep, or is sleepy throughout the day, keep moving his bedtime earlier until you have a happy morning riser who has staying-power all day. The academic consequences of small amounts of sleep deprivation in children should be a big motivator to keep finessingbedtime till it is right for you and your child.
We could easily fill a whole chapter discussing sleep, its crucial necessity and various tips and tricks. There are shelves full of sleep books, as well. But here is a simple evening routine you might like to try, adjust to your family’s needs, and enjoy the wonders of enough sleep! You will find more discussion in Heaven.
6:00 Eat dinner
6:30 Bath time
6:50 Out of tub and into pajamas
7:00 Bedtime snack
7:10 Brush teeth, lay out clothes
7:15 Story
7:30 Candle time, good night poem, hugs and kisses.
Here are a few secret tips and the first is foundational:
Tip #1: Do It The Same Way Every Night! No variations, no exceptions barring emergencies! The better you can stay firmly and kindly on-task, moving from one step to the next in an organic flow, the easier it will become for your child to come-along with you. Children need and thrive on predictability which gives them a sense of empowerment. They know their world well enough to know what is coming next. They depend upon this certainty and can relax into a sense of knowing. On the other hand, when we attend to them in a spontaneous manner, allowing the whim of the moment ~ours or theirs ~ to dictate the rhythm, it creates insecurity in the child. She can have the sense “Oh, I wonder what will happen tonight?” This leaves the door open for begging, whining and power struggles.
Tipt # 2: The Bed-time Snack is a Small Piece of Magic. My boys had a bed-time snack, always the same thing, a very short while after dinner, and it worked miracles. Our rule was this: if you have eaten your dinner, you will get the yummy bed-time snack. If you have not eaten your dinner, you will get the remainder of dinner as a bed-time snack. The yummy-ness of the snack was well-worth finishing a few veggies! What snack could be so delicious to entice the last bite of broccoli? Amazingly, toast with honey butter and warm milk with cinnamon and a touch of honey was the lure. It was not until years later that I learned each ingredient has a sedative effect: the density of and warmth of the grains in toast, plus the warm milk full of tryptophan, the cinnamon and touch of honey, each of these moves us closer to the goal, sweet sleep. With a new awareness of food allergies, I have had parents of gluten and dairy free children tell me that gluten free toast with non-dairy butter and rice or almond milk works just as well! Comfort food is so comforting!
Tip # 3: Avoid the Clothing Battle. By sorting through and giving away any item which you both do not agree upon, makes life easier when laying out tomorrow’s clothes! Away go those lovely dresses, the ones she doesn’t like, that remind you of your childhood. In the same Good-Will bag go the scent-imbued movie-based logo sweatshirts handed down from the cousins. So, as you lay out tomorrow’s clothes, your child can choose from everything that is Yes!
Tip # 4: Choose the Bedtime Story Carefully. We will go more deeply into Stories later in this Family Life thread. For now, though, choose stories with these watchwords in mind: Stories to Grow On. Whatever the developmental stage your child is in, choose stories that give your child images to carry into their dream world, into their souls.
Tip #5 Finish the Bedtime Story, then try this: Light a small candle and say a bed time poem, maybe something short and sweet like this: “Guardian Angels whom we love, shine on us from up above.”Or any quiet send-off that you like. Snuff the candle, hugs and kisses and Good Night!